Just a nobody - working for Somebody

I was crying at a college graduation ceremony. 

The emotions I felt as a walked a campus I had never been to or really had personal connection to, somehow carried a familiarity that left a nostalgic cramp on me. Something of the past that felt long and forgotten and yet very memorable at the same time. 

Six years ago I did one semester of college and everything in this place reminded me of so many smells, sounds, emotions, including the love of learning. It reminded me of nights filled with laughter and adventures (which ended with ER trips for some) and nights where I walked alone and utterly falling before His throne in the ache and fear. My time at college was heavy for many reasons. One of the reasons is that when you visit a college or experience an event there, your view point of it is founded on something unreal. Then the reality of every day life and how normal a campus actually is in the daytime hits you out of left field: unless you're someone, not me, who is extremely good at forming things and putting yourself out there.  

I found myself thinking on this day in current time, what a strong and confident feeling it must be to graduate. Then I realized it's because the world, including the Christian circles,  truly does paint it as success. As I listened to stories of comradeship, classes, and this now great accomplishment for the students,  I thought  of how college speeches and celebrations makes you feel like somebody. The graduates have their degrees and the words, "Go out and seize your future." and it sounds so inspiring, doesn't it? 

My hair is pulled back haphazardly. Feet caked in mud from the soggy-rained on grass, I try to calm my eleven month old and get him to take his nap. 

I am aware that I am a nobody and will always be a nobody in the terms of the world. The job I am doing is one of the most invisible jobs that the world often spits on. Or so they want me to think it is invisible. 

I will never receive the world's stamp of approval or applause of accomplishment. 

But if you gave freshman me the choice - I would have chosen this one a thousand times over. I held my baby close, felt baby number two kick me discreetly in the stomach, and looked at my husband. If I had decided to receive the title of success by others and able to put it on the wall, I would not be sitting here with the biggest success in my book. 

But success looks as lot like mundane and sometimes we find the enemy whispering to us that we need something "that's a real accomplishment" - something you can see the results of now. The desire is there for everyone - to be given the success diploma, the audience cheered acknowledgement of hard work. 

And I realize even if you have all of that - we are still, all nobodies. 

In a world of diplomas, very few land their careers in those studied areas. Even when they do, who really remembers it (at least as much as we picture) 100 years from now? Even if you're doing the biggest work in the world, the world moves on and humans pass. 

I am not slamming on college and hard work - let alone work and efforts because the world keeps moving. Because of Christ and the purpose He has given and jobs He wants you to do, everything is meaningful and has a point. He has you here for this time and it has meaning most importantly to Him. 

But my tears truly fell as the speaker spoke, "...and many of you will have jobs that never reach headlines and billboards. As you serve and love in all these other areas, giving glory to God." 

We sing that all the glory goes to Christ but do our hearts truly mean that? Have we forgotten that Jesus too, chose what was a seemingly invisible role? That He honored what was ordinary? 

I thought about how magical celebration moments feel - but then you leave and reality settles in - and we are living a normal, often quiet, life. The ordinary. 

But it's made of moments - so many moments that you will miss if your heart is not in the right place and your eyes open to see. 

I am my husband and children's whole world. The meals, clean laundry, fresh towels, made beds, hugs and smiles are all ways I can meet their needs and show just some of my love. My days are full of diapers, messes of who knows what that sludge is, dishes, rotten leftovers, screams, and extremely contagious delicious baby laughter - at something I didn't know was worth so much joy. I think children often have their eyes more open than we do. 

Most importantly all these days and actions are how I honor my Savior. This job is the work of eternity and the only title of success I need to hear, is that from my Creator saying "Well done, my good and faithful servant."