Splinters received and given

We have all experienced a form of a broken relationship at some point. 

Perhaps right now, things are not where you would like them to be with someone. Perhaps someone you were close to betrayed a trust you held in them. 

Now I cannot speak to those relationships where someone truly hurt you in a way that you cannot fully heal from and where you do need to cut out the relationship with that person because of safety and actual healing needed. In all absoluteness, please don't decipher me as saying you should not take steps to safety and healing. 

But when it comes to your every day relationship, we all hurt one another at some point, in one way or another. 

My body shuts down with stress. Physically, mentally, and all that - I close down hard and can't get words past my throat. It's even hard to walk. I have always had a protective form of closing down myself because being vulnerable and even worse, getting hurt because of it, is the most terrifying thing to me. It's just the way I have always been, no trauma connected to it. We are humans, we are broken and we have systems broken in ways we don't understand and can't explain except for sin and the brokenness therein and the way humans hurt even without knowledge. 

So when I experience stress, let alone actual pain and hurt from someone you love, my initial reaction is to run away, protect my raw thoughts and heart, and always keep things at a surface level with them from then on. 

Firstly, my friend, sloooow down. Slow down, pray, think, and don't just assume you're completely in the right. 

Secondly, if you truly cannot find yourself causing what has been claimed, then pray for the words and strength to truthfully and humbly respond to the situation, with love. 

Third, give some time for your heart to stop freaking out, to allow for healing and realize, yes, God is indeed the only One Who truly understands and knows your heart and motives. With that in mind, pray for the grace to respond without the need to be understood or justly resolved.  

But don't close off and give up hope on a friendship simply because it feels so painful and hopeless now. That doesn't mean not using caution and slowly rebuilding trust. It is situational for sure. 

Some of my closest friendships have all run into rocks like that - and it was so tempting to let my body crippling stress take over and just run away, not even try to work through what was happening. 

But I'm so glad that God didn't let me run. 

Because at some point or another, you're going to reach deeper layers with your friendships and those layers will reveal hurt and worries and bitterness and problems - and to run at this moment would in fact only destroy what is part of a growing process to beauty in the future. 

Again, another quick clarification. There are at times unwise friendships have been formed and instead of it being a friendship that grows the other towards Christ and encouragement and truth, it does quite the opposite. And yes, at some point, you'll run into a whole truckload of junk and while as a Christian you should respond with love and care, there is wisdom in giving space and changing a level of time and closeness.

What is my point? 

My point is we have a Savior Who received nothing from us - in fact, we spat in His face, screamed insults against the Hand that formed our heartbeats, and signed up to have Him nailed to that cross - that is what we do every day without fail as we sin. And yet - He was silent, loving, and actively carried out His mission of loving us so much to die and then rise again, defeating death - which we more than deserve, my friend. 

And since He has faithfully loved you even when you hurt Him over and over and fight His ways - treat others with the same love and patience and give room for the blessings He may have planned with that situation. Remember you are also a broken human, prone to hurting others just as much as they may hurt you. 

So in a day and age all about "if I get nothing from you, why would I waste my time with you? You don't value or appreciate me" - take a second to remember the example of the Christ we are supposed to copy and what love truly looks like. 

I often think about this within my own family, relationships that used to be rocky and felt hard to think they'd ever be anything different - I learned it took a lot of humility and trying to understand their thoughts (and still does) to see how quickly they were also willing to move forward together. 

You may be surprised just how quickly they also jump at working towards healing.