So Much Hard - But Oh So Much Joy

 By Emily Steiger 

It’s 4:30 am and I will feel a headache hours later from being up at this time

But you’re laying there in your bed, mouth in an o shape of awe at the window

And eyes wide open

And you’re hungry but content enough to watch the light come in

But you haven’t eaten once since I laid you down after 10 

You’re wrapped in a little angelic swaddle and it bursts my heart every time I lift your little body out of your bassinet and pull you into my arms. 

 You’re beginning to be fussy

You start to panic when I first begin to talk and pull you up 

But the second you feel me close and hear my reassuring words, you calm

And you smile

My arms are achy from holding you while we slept in the morning hours

And while I feed you

And when you are sad in the day

My back hurts from labor

And my heart hurts from everything else

That has you involved

A beautiful pain

A pain I wouldn’t trade

My time isn’t my own but was it ever mine? 

Last night you were laughing in your sleep

Little giggling coos

And it makes my heart explode hearing your joy

We took you by the pool the other evening

Your eyes glowed from the reflection of the blue evening sky

You were in awe of everything around you

It’s a big beautiful world to you

And I wish I could shield you from the brokenness

But I know I can’t 

And I know He uses the brokenness to help us love others and have a heart for them

So I know He will use it well for you too

But I wish I could keep you in awe of this big ol’ world

Something tells me you’ll discover it again 

When you watch the awe in your own child’s eyes 

Dimples in your hands and feet

Dimple in your cheek

Brightness in your eyes as you smile

There’s so much hard in this life

But oh, there’s so much joy