Sun Oiled Moments of Peace

 The tree in front of my kitchen window gives a gentle sun setting through the woodsy trees atmosphere as I wash dishes and listen to the instant pot sizzle its steam. 

My husband is talking to our 4 month old son and asking me, “How did we ever do life without him?” 

“I don't know. I have no idea.” I responded, “But I knew it would happen and it'll happen with all our kids.”

Music plays on the Bluetooth speaker. We are setting up his highchair. The sun shadows play on the red front door and the sourdough for rolls for a church Luncheon is rising on our porch steps. As unhappy as I am about humid 80 degrees on an October day, it comes in useful. 

Smell of fresh dish soap on the sponge and the veggies in the oven waft up their seasoned goodness. Music about the Creator carries away my mind as I get caught staring at the screen of our window - casting a golden glow on the normalcy and beauty of our window sill. Our silhouette engagement picture sits on the window. 

And I think, no it's too perfect - what's going to happen? 

It is the struggle I've had to work through the last few years. 

While it's true that the majority of the heaviest things in my life have happened after a truly beautiful time - I cannot live my life with hand gripping fear.

I am wasting His gifts if I refuse to truly take them in and experience His love because I'm so afraid if I am too happy, something will be given to test me. 

As my husband has said, “God isn't up there thinking, ‘oh she's too happy, time to end it.’ He isn't that kind of God.” 

And so while our deepest seasons of growing in Him often are those hardest ones, we do not need to feel guilty for being in a peaceful season.

We do not need to hold our breath or try to not embrace it because we're afraid that'll bring the bad.

We simply need to live today and rejoice when that sun lights up the dishes oiled water.

When your husband plays on the floor with your baby or your baby lights up his entire being when you look at him. T

These gifts, don't throw them back in His face.