You Cannot Carry It All

 "Enjoy it while you can!" they say. "Don't blink." 

Well I'm trying: and still - I open my eyes and realize that somewhere between the peanut butter bread, newly worn board books, and cracker crumbs in the couch, I've been sleeping through my biggest dreams. I try and try to take them in and somewhere along the way, I slide into normalcy and routine and high school me would have gasped, "This is my life? Girl, don't blink." 

But just how alert can we constantly be - in a world where opinions and advice tell you everything you do is wrong...

And my child is constantly outgrowing his clothes...

When time won't stand still for those of us trying to enjoy it... 

We follow their words, and still, time tricks us. I can't handle it, you can't handle it, if we sat down to think about all the moments it's quickly whipping out of our hands. 

Maybe the routine, rhythm, exhaustion, and sweet moments of laughter in an unexpected moment, keep us in the real of today and hold our fragile emotional hearts in place. If we constantly were caught up in not blinking, our hearts would still break in the fastness of it all. 

I think the point is to be fully present where you are but thank God that today is not all we have. For those moments we're so tired, covered in puke and more to not mention, thank goodness this moment is just a moment. And thank goodness these little moments that are just moments hold more promise to them than just another shower and attempt at "let's do this again." 

You cannot hold it still. 

And you also have to do those dishes, laundry, dinner, and important conversations, and your own time to rest. 

I am aware everything I am writing here is my own way of handling and dealing with these words. I know perhaps the above are words that maybe is just what someone needed, to feel inspired. Perhaps it's the push and reminder they needed. But for me - I am way too prone to feel too heavily and to live too much in fear of losing another person. A mama's fear for me is so real and to add the losing moments we already feel is too much. So I write this from my perspective and hopefully a few others, but understand if this is not an area that you personally feel. 

But for some of us, it feels like a pressure we cannot carry. The last thing we need is another thing we feel guilty over. You cannot hold so tight fisted to moments because you're scared of losing or missing it so quickly. Enough of those tears and emotions come, we don't need to spend more moments terrified that we are losing them. We have to simply live. 

Life is best lived, yes in the moments, but without one more thing to be running behind on and feeling guilty over. Encourage to live your full moments with the ones you love - but don't pressure them on a time limit, because that only makes it worse. Instead encourage making special traditions, daily activities, or even just setting a timer if you need it, so you can carve out time simply just with your littles. Giving goals and purpose is a better way for many overwhelmed mama's who already feel the rushing water of time stealing this short season (although the days can feel so long).  

And now I return to our loads of laundry.